Almost There

Weight: 130
Pain: 3/10
Nausea: 4/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 5/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 2/10
Medications: Fentanyl Patch, Vicodin, lots of others


Its been a while since my last posting so I guess another is needed; that and because people keep asking me "How I'm doing?" a lot.

Well, I'm kind of OK. I feel a lot weaker than before which is probably because I'm not as active (I don't walk all that much, although I try). I've also been losing some weight - I think its about 5 pounds in 2-3 weeks. Its been hard getting enough nutrition since my nausea has returned (although not as severe as before), and because of the pain that I get from swallowing food. I don't get the sensation of food getting stuck in my esophagus much anymore - which is probably a good sign. But it does hurt when food passes that part; its all the damage done from radiation.

So getting enough calories is a problem. The supplements that I've bought (Ensure, Bene-calorie, Boost) all pretty much make me vomit. They taste disgusting. Since I just had an infusion yesterday things are making me more nauseous than usual. I think milkshakes from Jack-In-The-Box would be much better for me, plus I know they taste a whole lot better.

Without the pain medications that I'm getting I would not be able to go through with the treatments. The Fentanyl patch works wonders - its the best pain management solution I've ever had - better than morphine or vicodin. I'm using a dosage of 50 for the patch. The dosage is from 12.5 all the way to 100. So I'm about half-way from the maximum dosage which is a lot of pain control. There are some side-effects with the patch, though. As with lots of other pain control meds, there is the side-effect of constipation. So yeah, I've been taking lots of laxatives lately. There is also the side-effect tiredness. I feel pretty tired and get lazy easily which just makes my body atrophy; I can feel the weakness all over me. But I think I'm slowly recovering since I'm starting to walk on the treadmill again. I've also noticed that I've been quite sensitive to sounds and light. I feel much better in quite and dim environments. This is probably another side effect from the patch.

I spoke with my radiation oncologist not too long ago and she told me, to my surprise, that I only had 7 more treatments to go. Thats 7 week-days of treatments. So in a little over a week I'll be all done with radiation and chemo. Yay! After that, I'll have about 2 weeks of recovery than another PET scan. And everything looks good, I'll have surgery 2-3 weeks after that.

Dude, Where's My Hair?!

Weight: 135
Pain: 0-7/10
Nausea: 1/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Fentanyl Patch, Vicodin

My hair loss has accelerated in the last week, so much that running my fingers through my hair would usually net about 30-50 hairs. Its also been annoying to clean up the hairs around my pillows and other places where I rest my head. So I decided to shave all of it off. The result is not as bad as I thought; I actually look pretty good! See for yourself...

Pain Medication That Works

Weight: 135
Pain: 0-5/10
Nausea: 1/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Fentanyl Patch, Vicodin

I finally got my hands on some pain medication that actually works! The best one is the fentanyl patch which I wear on my skin for 3 days straight (read more about it here). They say its about 80 times as potent as morphine! Wow. The other drug, which you all probably know about is vicodin. I take this drug when I need instant pain relief - like before eating. What I do is crush the tablet and make it into a powder then mix it with water. This not only makes it easier for me to ingest, but also seems to make it easier to absorb into my system.

I'm continuing with my daily radiation treatment but may have to wait a little while before I start again with chemo.

Back To Work For The Last Time

Weight: 135
Pain: 7-10/10 without medication, 0-3 with temporary medication (radiation site)
Nausea: 1/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 2/10
Medications: Prilosec, Fentanyl Patch 25, lindocane formula

The nausea is pretty much gone but what took its place is extreme pain. I had an endoscopy while at my stay at the hospital and they found ulcerations at the radiation site. Obviously, this is whats causing the pain. I was connected to a PCA device at the hospital, which helped with the pain only a little. For those that don't know, a PCA is a device which releases morphine and the release is controlled by the patient.

It seems like I can't stress enough how bad the pain is. I even get pain from drinking water and a little pain from swallowing my saliva. I can't eat solid foods - that'll make things even worse. I on a complete liquid diet - or very soft foods like pudding/jello or the like. And yes, even those cause pain on a level from 7-10. The only things that seems to help is Tylenol (which causes pain when taken), and the lindocane formula (contains maalox, lindocane, benedryl). This serves to numb my esophagus and does a very good job. But, it only lasts as long as I don't drink/eat after I take it; otherwise it washes most of it away.

I'm at work right now getting some of my things and turning in some forms since I'm going on disability. I don't know how long I'll be out but it'll be a minimum of 3 months. They say they'll save my seat. I hope so =). My life depends on it. The insurance is doing a good job of taking care of the tab.

Hospitalized

Weight: 135
Pain: 7/10
Nausea: 8/10
Depression: 4/10
Tiredness: 4/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 6/10

I have to keep it short because I don't feel well at all. Even worse than last time. I've been hospitalized at SM hospital and will stay here for 3 days because of extreme pain and nausea.

Nothing is staying down in my stomach for long - I usually throw up and sometimes even with water. I feel hungry and I know I'm starving myself but there doesn't seem to be any choice - I throw up and that causes a lot of extreme pain which lasts for about 20 minutes. All of this because of two weeks of radiation treatments; I don't think the new chemo has anything to do with it.

The other thing I wanted to add is that the waiting time is pretty extreme - about 9 hours from the time I walked in the ER to actually being admitted into my own room.

Not Feeling Well

Weight: 135
Pain: 3/10
Nausea: 9/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

So its been two weeks since I started my new regimen of chemo-radiation (I'm taking taxotere + 5FU and daily rounds of radiation). Its been very tough for me since last week and seems like things are getting worse (in terms of how I feel) because of the treatments. The worst part of it all is the extreme nausea when I eat and drink (even water!). A few seconds after I swallow anything I feel a strong urge to vomit and I find myself fighting that feeling and to keep the food down. None of the medications that were prescribed for nausea seems to work for me: Zofran, Compazine, Kytril, Atavan. It got so bad that yesterday I went to my infusion center without an appointment and told them what was going on with me. They had me on a saline drip since they thought that I could be dehydrated from all the vomiting, and a dose of zofran (which didn't really help). One of the doctors there prescribed another drug (I forgot what it was called), but it turns out that it was so expensive - $1000 for 20 tablets, that my insurance would only pay for it if they had "direct authorization from the doctor". I guess a simple prescription wasn't good enough. I'll have to wait until next week to straighten that out.

So yes, I feel like crap. Another thing that bothers me is the sore throat - probably because of the vomiting and the stomach acid. I don't know. But that is probably also responsible for the nose bleeds that I've been having since yesterday.

But I still have my hair.

First Day Of Radiation Treatment

Weight: 137.8
Pain: 3/10 chest pains
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I just had my first radiation treatment this morning. Everything went smoothly and quite routine - just as what I expected. The radiation part only took about a minute or two so I was in and out in just a matter of minutes. I just have to keep going back 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks - all with chemo at the same time. I imagine it'll be much more intense than my first chemo experience. I start my next chemo treatment tomorrow with taxotere.

I also received the results of the biopsy for my colonoscopy - everything is fine. The polyp turned out to be benign. No worries.

Result of Colonoscopy

Weight: 136.6
Pain: 0/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.0/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: none

I had a colonoscopy yesterday due to suspicious activity in my colon as revealed in my last PET scan. I also had slight abdominal pain a week or two ago in the same area where that activity was. I had talked with my oncologist last week and he agreed that I should go ahead with the procedure (even though he said that it is highly irregular for esophageal cancer to spread into the colon).

The preparations for the procedure was quite uncomfortable - I had to spend most of the time in the bathroom. But I think the worst part was drinking the laxative - it tasted horrible, even when mixed with fruit juice.

The results of the procedure were mostly positive. The only abnormality was a small polyp in my colon which was biopsied; I won't know the results of the biopsy for several days. Polyps are quite common from what I hear and most of them turn out to be benign in nature, so I'm not too worried about it at all.

Second PET/CT Results

Weight: 136.0
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 5/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

So I had my second PET/CT scan yesterday. It was quite routine as usual - not much different than the first time around. The whole procedure took a couple of hours. An hour after I finished the scan, I requested CDs of the scan images and took a look at the results. My first impression of the images were quite depressing - it looked as though activity of the tumor site increased, but the size was about the same. I also noted lots of activity around my colon which scared the hell out of me as there was no such activity around that part in the first PET/CT scan that I got.

A few hours later, I read the radiology report and it said that the tumor was stable - no significant change at all; it also said that there were no other organs that were affected. The tumor is the same size (but there was noted increase in activity in the tumor as revealed in the PET scan). So I probably shouldn't worry about my colon; but the fact that I've been having intestinal issues for nearly a week might be something of significance added to the fact of increase in metabolic activity around that area. I'll notify my doctor in our next meeting.

After all I went through with chemo for 2 months and still no change - it really is quite disappointing. I expected so much more from what I've been through and to find out that nothing has changed its VERY depressing.

But at least it hasn't spread or gotten bigger. But it still sucks.

Busy Working on Project

Weight: 136
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 1/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Imodium AD

Since I'm busy working on a personal project of mine, I decided not to write everyday in my blog. I will only write about important events related to my health from now on.

Made Appointment For Next PET/CT Scan

Weight: 136.4
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 2/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

I have my next PET/CT scan appointment this Thursday. They'll know from the results if the treatment I'm getting so far has worked enough or if they'll need to tweak my treatments.

Lots Of Stomach Problems

Weight: 136.2
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 3/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 4/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Immodium AD, Mylanta

I don't know why, but I think I feel worse today than I did two weeks ago - as if the drugs they game me on Tuesday were much more concentrated. The most annoying issues were gas and diarrhea which immodiam and mylanta mostly took care of. The other side effect that I still feel - even after 5 days of chemo - is tiredness. Its something that I just could not shake off.

Going For Nutritional Supplements

Weight: 135.4
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 3/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 4/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin,

I feel like I've been losing a lot of weight lately - I've just hit my new low of 135lbs, down from about 142 before diagnosis. I'm gonna start myself on Ensure Plus and see if that'll help. I hear its very tasty and comes with different flavors. I can't wait!.

Tiredness Is Back

Weight: 136.2
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 5/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 7/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Compazine

I was really tired getting out of bed this morning, but I managed to do it. I also did a 30 min. walk on the treadmill like I do almost every morning just to build up more energy (it really does help).

The feeling of vomiting every time I get close to food (and even thinking about it) is something that I have yet to overcome. I do take my anti-nausea pill, but that doesn't seem to get rid of the vomiting feeling.

But at least its a Friday....

First Support Group Meeting

Weight: 136.4
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 5/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 4/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Compazine

I attended my first support group meeting at the Wellness Community. It was pretty much what I had expected - discussions of each of our "issues", sharing experiences, etc. It was a small group, even more so since some people were not in attendance. I was the youngest in the group, as well as the most recently diagnosed. Everyone else was at least a year into their fight and at least in their mid-thirties.

It was a valuable learning experience, and I certainly would do it again. The only thing though, is that hearing other's struggles does not exactly build up that sense of positive emotions that I really need. But its really about give-and-take, and I can deal with that.

Damn Car Would Not Start

Weight: 136
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 2/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

The battery on my car died since I haven't used it for about a week (riding my motorcycle all that time). Now that I'm on my chemo week, I was expecting to use my car again. But no go; even jump starting it with my motorcycle didn't work - probably not enough cranking amps. I'll see if I can use my sister's car to jump start it tonight. Riding my motorcycle to work today drugged up with chemo while wearing my chemo pump probably wasn't a great idea, but oh well.

As for my health, I have begun to feel the effects of the chemo from yesterday. Slight nausea (which caused my to lose some of my breakfast this morning), slight neuropathy in my cheeks (causes pain when eating) and very slightly in my hands. I can only expect it to get worse in the next 2-3 days.

Oh yeah, Happy Halloween!! =D

4th And Last Infusion Before Radiation

Weight: 136.4
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

Currently getting an infusion and they're still having difficulty with my port. I'm pretty much used to it now; I just gotta do the hokey pokey with my right arm every time the machine beeps with the message "occlusion".

Since this will be my last infusion before radiation starts, I will be getting a 3-week break from chemo. But, I'm supposed to get another PET/CT scan in about 2 weeks or so to see if the chemo is doing its job.

Weight: 137
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

Feeling a little better today from a very relaxing weekend. I'm hoping to do well tomorrow for my 4th Infusion - my last one before I start chemoradiation.

Relaxing

Weight: 137
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

Relaxing most of the day. Went to a friend's Halloween party that night. Lots and lots of sweets were offered, but I couldn't take them cuz we all know that sugar feeds the cancer cells.

Where Are All The Young Adult Cancer People?

Weight: 136.4
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0.5/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I attended a yoga class at the Wellness Center at Santa Monica. I was the youngest in the class - everyone else was at least 40. Where are all the young adult cancer people? I feel so left out.

The Wellness Community

Weight: 137.0
Pain: 1/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

The Wellness Community, as I've just learned, is an amazing place where people affected by cancer can come in and get support that they need. The place that I went to (the West LA community), has been decorated to function as a real home - not an office, not a hospital, but a place where you really do feel like being at home. The moment I stepped through the door I was stunned. I wasn't expecting a place like that to be so comfy and "home-y". But its certainly a very good thing. I'll definitely be going to that place pretty often. Tomorrow I'll be taking their "Easy Yoga" class. I can't believe all of this is for FREE!

I posted a new picture of my which was taken just today (its under the "About Me" section on the right). You can probably tell that my hair is thinning out...

Found A Support Group

Weight: 136.8
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 4/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

I'vce been doing some research on PlanetCancer.com and came to a link directing to "The Wellness Community". Not only do they offer support groups, but mind/body classes. To top it all off, they're local! I wish I had known about this two months ago. I'll be joining their "Welcome to Wellness" meeting tomorrow morning.

Need Some Inspiration?

Weight: 137.0
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 3/10
Tiredness: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin

I had difficulty sleeping last night. I woke up around 3am and couldn't really fall asleep after that.

If you're looking for some inspirational music, try here. I miss the 80's....

Weight: 137.0
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Tiredness: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin

Portacath Dye Study

Weight: 138.2
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 2/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Heparin flush

Currently waiting in the waiting room to get my port-a-cath dye study underway.

Its been about 5 hours later and I've been finally discharged. I didn't know it was going to take THAT long. Most of the time I was just lying on my hospital bed naked (except for a gown) waiting until someone would come in. Things finally started rolling after a nurse came over and accessed my port. I had two x-rays of my chest - one with my right arm down and the other with my arm up. The results of this revealed a slight kink when my arm was down. Surprisingly, the dye study which was performed after the x-rays revealed no kink in the catheter. The x-ray machine used in the dye study was one that generated a live-image video of my internals - which was pretty cool to see. So the end result is that there was really no problem with my port. What's probably causing the blockage, most likely, is due to a kink which is probably suspposed to happen since the catheter was inserted in the subclavical vein - instead of the jugular.

One of the doctors I met who was the radiologist was herself a cancer survivor three times over. I haven't personally met any doctors who themselves went through cancer treatments so that was quite an experience. I know that cancer does not discriminate at all, but just knowing a doctor who had it who is treating me makes me feel better.

The worst part out of all of this is that the nurses forgot to give my port-a-cath a heparin flush before removing the needle. This is very important as it can cause the port to clog up with blood rendering the port useless for chemo. Good thing I remembered and told them about the heparin. But isn't it sad that I had to tell them how to do their job?

Weight: 137.4
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 1/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin

Weight: 136.8
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 3/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

Music To My Ears

Weight: 138.4
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 3/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Compazine

Same level of tiredness as yesterday and also feeling dehydrated (even when I think I've drank enough water). I also feel a little warmer than usual - hopefully its nothing serious. Maybe its just the outside temperature.

Its 5pm and I'm still at work on a Friday. Just a few hours ago I was so tired that I had to step out of the office and take a short nap in my car - I could not function at all it was that bad. And If Mike is reading this (my boss), I'm just kidding. LOL. I'm guessing the tiredness is from my lower-than-usual blood counts from the chemo - especially red blood cells.

Well, I've been doing more research on ways to avoid the side effects and one that really works for me is music. I've read a report that claims a reduction of 30% in the symptoms caused by cancer treatments just from music therapy, which seems really impressive. For me, it might even be up to 50% depending on the track thats playing (I'm not kidding!). Its just all about matching the right track to my current mood at the time which isn't as easy. And it certainly helps a lot if you have a real appreciation of music to begin with.

I'm currently building up a playlist of the tracks that really do it for me, I'll post it up when I'm done with it (which might take some time). Stay tuned!

Now if only there was a way that Last.FM could keep track of your mood changes when playing a track...hmmm...

Feeling More Tired

Weight: 140.0
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 3/10
Depression: 4/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 3/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, 5FU

Gonna get my chemo pump disconnected later today.
Tiredness has increased. Too tired/lazy to write anything else.

New Massage Chair Arrived

Weight: 139
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 2/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, 5FU

Our massage chair arrived this morning - its an OSIM uHarmony purchased from BrookStone. The char is extremely comfortable, even when its turned off. This should help a lot dealing with my treatments.

As for the chemo, same side effects as last time, but I do notice an increase in tiredness.

Infusion #3

Weight: 138.4
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I had a meeting with my oncologist this morning - everything is OK so far. I have one more infusion after this before I get another PET scan. After that, I start chemo+radiation.

There was some difficulty in my port again (like last time) - it seems like the catheter inside of me is kinked somehow and is preventing any fluids from coming in or out. The only way to unkink it, so far, is for me to turn my head a certain way and move my right arm in a certain direction. They might have to do a dye study on my port to find out exactly why its doing this.

Daddy's Got A New Pair Of Headphones

Weight: 139.2
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I decided to treat myself out last week and purchased a new pair of headphones and a headphone AMP since I consider myself to be more of an audiophile than the average person. I got myself a Sennheiser HD650 and a Mobile BitHead headphone AMP. According to many reviews these headphones are pretty much the best you can get. I can't complain, these sound fantastic, much better in sound quality than the Bose Tri-Port (although, I'd give the Bose headphones a slight edge on comfortability). My ears have never been closer to heaven. Wow!

Under Hypnosis

Weight: 138.2
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I ordered an MP3 album from Amazon (their new MP3 download service) a few days ago titled "Mind-Body Healing (Volume Eight)" by the famous "Dr. Rick Collingwood". The sound is supposed to put you into a deep hypnotic trance while he gives suggestive words on healing.

My first session was great; I felt a little better after - more relaxed. The other sessions (you're supposed to listen to it once each day) didn't have as much effect, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. I think I fall asleep half-way through the recording since I don't recognize certain parts of it when I fast-forward near the ending. But this is OK since it is your unconscious mind that does all the listening.

As for the "healing" it provides, we shall soon see...

I Have My Bike Again! Yay!

Weight: 138.4
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin, Imodium AD

Some new symptoms showed up, possibly from the chemo: I'm starting to get mouth sores and a little diarrhea. Although, the latter could be because of my antibiotics. And of course, my hair is still falling out but its hardly noticeable since I had thick hair to begin with. Maybe in a month it'll start to really show.

I moved my Ninja 250 from my mom's place over to the apartment. Here is what it looks like:



The car right behind it is my 2005 Toyota Corolla.

Shopping For A Bike

Weight: 137.4
Pain: 1/10 (slight abdominal pain)
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I went to a motorcycle dealership today checking out the gixxers. I was looking towards getting a GSX-R750, but the sales guy convinced me to instead get a GSX-R600, since I've only been riding a Ninja 250. That's fine, I guess. Heck, I'll be saving myself $1100 in getting the 600cc.

While I would really like to get this bike, I don't know if the timing is right. I mean, I don't know if I'll be "well" enough to ride it when I start chemo-radiation in about a month.

The Price of Healthcare

Weight: 137.4
Pain: 1/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I logged on to my account at United Healthcare (my healthcare provider) and found out the total cost so far for my treatments. Here it is:

Total charged: $41,520.93
Total paid by plan: $26,530.97
Total paid by me: $195.00

As you can see, the cost of nearly two months of treatment is quite a lot: $41k. What's surprising (to me at least) is how insurance companies get such a great deal - nearly half. I only had to shell out 0.0047% of the total cost (mostly in office visits). Wow! I'm glad I have insurance.

Weight: 138
Pain: 2/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

Slight internal pain a little to the left of my right hip bone (adbominal area). Started maybe a few days ago and hasn't gotten worse, but hasn't really gone away either. It could be nothing, but I'll notify my oncologist about it.

As for the tests yesterday, more torture then I expected. First, I had 3 small tattoos (small dots) which required 3 pokes. Then, I had a mini CT-scan of my abdominal area (which required an IV through my arm - poke #4). Then, I needed a blood test for a pulmonary exam - this had to go through an artery on my wrist (ouch!); poke #5.

Yes, that was 5 needles in me yesterday. I think thats a record for me.

More Doctor Appointments

Weight: 137.8
Pain: 1/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.5/10
Depression: 2/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I'm off to see my radiation oncologist today to possibly get tattooed to mark the place where I'll be getting radiated. After that I'm going to for a pulmonary test (breathing test) to see how much my lungs expand so that they'll be able to avoid radiating it.

I've noticed another side-effect with my treatment - my skin on my face has gotten darker. At first I thought it was blackheads but now it looks as though its small, round internal bruises because I'm also getting it on my hands and fingers. My blood counts were normal at my last blood exam (which was last week) so I'm not sure what it could be if its not a side-effect of the chemo. My oncologist said that it is a possible side-effect so I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much.

Weight: 137.4
Pain: 1/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.5/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

I'm concerned about my weight. 137 is a little too low for me from my usual weight of 141 pre-diagnosis. Since its my off-week from chemo I'll try to eat as much as I can.

Weight: 137.4
Pain areas: 1/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.5/10
Depression: 3/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 4/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephalexin

My Ways To Avoid Nausea

Weight: 137.8
Pain areas: 1/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 2/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Cephelaxin

More hair loss and more nausua today. This morning was particularly bad for
nausea - but again not as bad as the first round. One simple way that I found
that works to relieve nausea (besides the medication) is walking on the treadmill. I usually go for 1.5-2.0 miles at a walking pace on a slight incline (3.5mph). This seems to help me quite a bit dealing with these side effects, even if its temporary. And of course, its great for your health in general

I was also at the mall today I got myself a 20 minute session from an "aqua massage" (massage works by heated water jets). This was really relaxing - and almost as good as a traditional full-body massage. I like the way that you have control of the water pressure and even the location of where to apply the jets. The soothing music through the headphones was a big plus. I'll have to keep this in mind after my other chemo sessions.

The best method that I have, however, must go to riding my Kawasaki Ninja 250 motorcycle. Its been a while since I last rode him (1 month and 11 days ago - around the time of my diagnosis). And it was a total pleasure being back on the saddle; it instantly put a big smile on my face and made me completely forget
about my nausea and headache. If you're looking for a good starter bike, this is the one to get. No questions about it. The only downsides are that its not fuel-injected and a little slow, but you can lane-split like no other bike can.

The Hair Loss Begins

Weight: 138.4
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 2/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Compazine, Cephalexin

I noticed this morning that my hair easily falls off if I wash it - or even if I were to run my fingers through it. I still have most of my hair, but I suspect that I'll end up losing most or all of it once I start chemo+radiation.

Weight: 139.6
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 1/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol, Compazine

The nausea isn't as bad as it was 2 weeks ago, most likely because I've been taking compazine before I was nauseated. The side effect, though, is that I'm now more tired as usual - and sleeping doesn't really help. But I've ended up sleeping a lot today anyways.

Day After Round #2

Weight: 138.6
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications:
1. Prevacid,
2. Vitamin E,
3. Multivitamin,
4. Tylenol
5. Fluorouracil 50mg/ml 100ml

I've noticed the same side-effects from round #1: slight sensitivity to cold and soreness in my cheeks right when I start eating. The nausea hasn't started yet, I expect it to start tomorrow.

Round #2

Weight: 139.4
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications:
1. Prevacid,
2. Vitamin E,
3. Multivitamin,
4. Tylenol
5. Prochlorperazine (Compazine) 10mg x1
6. Fluorouracil 50mg/ml 100ml
7. Leucovorin
8. Oxaliplatin

I'm here at the UCLA Oncology Center waiting to get another infusion. Hopefully it'll be better this time around: one of my cousins sent me several tubes of lidocaine (local anesthetic) - this should help a lot for the initial pain from the needle stabbing.

Update: My life flashed before by eyes. The nurses couldn't flush saline through my port - I thought the port had clogged up with blood! It turned out that the needle was closer to the edge than to the center of the port - so they had to stab me yet again - this time with a 1-inch needle. Ug!

Update 2: That second needle didn't work either. Another needle was needed. I'm begining to think that there is something really wrong with my port.

Well, it turned out that I just needed to move my right shoulder around for the fluids to start flowing - the catheter from the port was most likely getting cut off from my massive pectorals =). I'll know better next time.

Weight: 140.0
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

Just An Ordinary Sunday

Weight: 139.6
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

Scan Result Postings

Weight: 139.2
Pain areas: 1.0/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

The following are PET/CT scans of me taken on August 31, 2007. Now I can finally say that I have naked pictures of me on the internet!











I mentioned Randy Pausch a few days ago in my blog, but what I didn't mention is that he had his last lecture on September 18, 2007 at CMU. It was filmed and posted to Google Video and I highly recommend everyone to see it; that guy is amazing. Click here.

Got My PET Scans On CD

Weight: 138.6
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I went down to UCLA Medical in Santa Monica to pick up my PET/CT scans on CD. WOW! The images I saw were amazing - especially the PET and CT overlaying images (they're in color!). I'll post up an animated GIF when I got the time.

If you would like to know more about PET/CT scans (and to see sample images), click here.

For an example of what EC looks like on that website, click here.

Getting Back To Normal

Weight: 138.2
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.5/10
General Attitude: 7/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

Well it seems the pain that I have isn't going away - been having it for about 2 weeks now. Its a small pain/discomfort around my chest area (around my lungs?) and possibly my back. I think it all started when I started chemo last week on Tuesday. It does help if I take tylenol, however - which is probably a good sign since its probably just muscle that is affected. Another pain that I feel is inside my left ear - and this I know if from the chemo for sure. It feels like there is pressure pushing something from the inside, and its not air pressure (like what happens when you suddenly change elevation). Other than these and the swallowing difficulty, I'm "normal".

Meeting With The Radiation Oncologist

Weight: 139.4
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over; chest/back area)
Nausea: 0.5/10
General Attitude: 7/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I met with my radiation oncologist for the first time today. Her office is actually a couple steps away from my main oncologist (Dr. Wainberg) right over in the next building. It's very convenient and will be even more so once I start with my chemo+radiation in about a month or so.

The meeting was mostly about answering my questions as well as a very short physical exam. There is another appointment scheduled in two weeks for me to get a breathing test as well as putting small tattoo around my chest/abdomen so they'll know exactly where to radiate me. My first tattoo, yay!

New Blog Look

Weight: 139.8
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I decided to change the look of my blog - the old template was getting too boring. I also added a graph down at the very bottom that contains a daily update on my health status. Right now it contains random data since I'm still learning how it works but in a few days I should be able to figure it out.

I'm even of thinking of creating an online webapp where people could generate their own health graphs, but we'll see if I can time for that.

Another Day At Work

Weight: 140.0
Pain areas: 1.5/10 (little aches all over)
Nausea: 0.5/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing Difficulty: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol
Side-Effects: I've noticed a slight difference in my driving ability - for the worse. Although, it could be the fact that I haven't driven for nearly a week (I had people drive me around).

I decided to go to work today. Nothing much else happened.

I did manage to read an interesting article on digg, however. It's about the possibility of there being Parallel Universes. How cool is that?! I've always been a big fan of scientific insights (and SCI-FI in general), so this has crossed my mind countless times in the past and even more now. I've never told anyone this before but when I was growing up as a little kid (well, I still do it to this day) whenever I'd make mistakes I would send messages to my other "selves" telepathecally (the ones in the parallel universes; are you still with me?) on how to avoid them. But of course, I'd never get any warnings back from them telling me to be careful of this or that. It may sound stupid, but I don't care. =P

But what if it were really true? What if there really are multiple universes out there? There could be another "me" in another universe who doesn't even have cancer. There could also be another "me" who died in a motorcycle accident (which, BTW, I thought might actually happen). If its the latter, I'm glad I'm in this particular reality. This stuff really makes you think, doesn't it? One of the reasons why I love sci-fi so much.


Go ahead and tickle your funny bone by reading some Cancertainment here!

I like this one the best:

Top 10 Responses To Nosy Questions About Scars

10. Never go to Mother's Tattoo Parlor when you're high.
9. You think that's bad, you should see the exit wound.
8. I self-mutilate. Don't you?
7. Those damn flesh-eating bacteria are spreading, slowly but surely.
6. That's where the government put the chip to track my movements.
5. It's the only way to smuggle drugs these days.
4. What scar? What are you talking about? Oh my God! That's HUGE!
3. I had to sell organs to get off the street.
2. I should have listened when Mom said not to scratch that mosquito bite.
1. That's where my Siamese twin was attached.

Some "interesting" things I did today:
1. Signed up with PlanetCancer.com. My username is "josephj"
2. hmmm...

Almost Back To "Normal"

Weight: 139.8
Pain areas: aches and pains here and there
Nausea: 1/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Tylenol

I saw "Resident Evil" (the movie) today. Not bad, although I think it could have been a little better. Besides being all about death and killing - which is not exactly what I need right now, it was somewhat predictable at times. I won't go into it. I enjoyed watching "Jersey Girl" with my family much better - it had a much more meaningful purpose for me: that life is precious and can be very rewarding so cherish it always with your loved ones. (cliqche, I know).

Later that same night I had my weekly chat session with one of my support groups - online chat with people that have or had EC, others were caregivers. But every single one of them were extremely supportive and very understanding. It was a shame that I couldn't connect with someone else around me age that has this disease.

Feeling Somewhat Better

Weight: 138.6
Pain areas: little aches here and there
Nausea: 5/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Compazine, Tylenol

Couldn't really sleep well and I think it was because I was hungry - I guess I didn't eat enough last night.

I found out that the Zofran medication wasn't at all effective for the nausea as Compazine, and even Compazine doesn't provide all whole lot of relief either. What did help was using 1 tablet of Tylenol with Compazine. Using this combo I managed to get some really nice afternoon sleep. After waking up I found myself able to eat without much nausea at all.

Still Feeling It

Weight: 139.8
Pain areas: none, really
Nausea: 7/10
General Attitude: taking it day by day
Swallowing: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Zofran

I couldn't sleep much last night; I don't know if it was the nausea or the nausea medication but I kept on waking up every 2 hours or so. But I wasn't really feeling tired or sleepy so I guess it could've been worse.

The nausea is about the same as yesterday but I ended up vomiting breakfast this morning - not good since I lost weight from yesterday. Food doesn't taste the same so I feel like I'm losing my appetite; I do feel hungry, however. Hungry, but don't feel like eating.

I even tried walking on the treadmill to see if that lessens the side effects I'm feeling but doesn't help much - a short temporary solution at best.

If this is bad, I wonder how I'll manage when I start chemo+radiation...

Well, perhaps I'll feel better tomorrow and for sure next week - I won't have another round of chemo for another two weeks.

Oh, The Nausea!

Weight: 141.8
Pain areas: none, really
Nausea: 7/10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: 5/10
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Zofran

I woke up feeling really nauseated - and the compazine didn't help much. I was even too nauseated to eat some breakfast - but I eventually managed to get some bites in; although it felt like I was going to vomit the whole time. Whats worse than actually vomiting, though, is having the reflex of vomiting but nothing coming out. The way it works for me is that my body tries to expel anything and everything inside my stomach but tries extra hard since nothing is inside. The feeling is not at all pleasant.

Needless to say I took a day off from work. I didn't do much on my day off - just drop off my portable chemo pump and got a full body massage after. Boy, that felt good - the massage wasn't bad either. I also managed to get another prescription for the nausea - zofran.

It seems like cancer is making the big headlines these days. The top digg for tonight was about a CS professor diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has his own blog here

All Drugged Up ...Again

Weight: 141.4
Pain areas: none, really
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
Nausea: 3 out of 10
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little better than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Prochlorperazine (Compazine), Vitamin
E, Multivitamin, Green tea

Its the day after my first chemo treatment and I feel mostly OK; it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. All of the side affects have so far been minor:
1. slight nausea (which I'm taking compazine for)
2. almost a burning sensation in my cheeks when I start to eat, lasts about 10 seconds.
3. slight sensitivity to anything cold. I guess no more ice cream for a while =(
4. I did notice that when I was showering this morning that about 20 hairs feel out of my head. Maybe the same amount fell out before I started chemo, but I'm just starting to notice it now.
5. slight taste difference in foods; I'd say some foods taste a little more bland than usual. Others taste outright disgusting (try eating grapes with green tea w/ ginger).

The thing I hate the most though, is carrying my portable infusion pump with me - its a hassle of just taking it everywhere with me and the fact that it gets in the way and also the noise it makes every 25 seconds or so. Good thing I get to return it tomorrow!

One of the important things that I have to lookout for now is my white cell count - which is part of the immune system response. Chemo tends to lower these and many other 'good' cells while destroying cancer cells. This just means that I have to be extra careful about getting sick from now on. So don't be offended if I start putting on Purell after we shake hands, ok?

Treatment Begins

Weight: 141.0
Pain areas: pain around port area is getting better
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little worse than yesterday
Medications:
1. Prevacid 30mg x1,
2. Tylenol 500mg x1,
3. Vitamin E 400UI x1,
4. Multivitamin x1
5. Prochlorperazine (Compazine) 10mg x1
6. Fluorouracil 50mg/ml 100ml
7. Leucovorin
8. Oxaliplatin

So today I begin chemotherapy. I went it to UCLA Oncology at around 9:20am and first saw my oncologist. We had a meeting that lasted for about an hour or so - mostly discussing the things that I should expect from the treatment (side effects) and my schedule for the coming months.

The process isn't that bad. The worst part was the initial prick - and it stung for maybe about 3 seconds; I have to say that its on the same pain level as having an IV inserted. But I'm so glad they installed the port - besides saving my veins in my arms, it allows me to do just about anything that requires full use of my arms/hands. The physiological aspect of being connected to a dripper machine making all kinds of sounds is something that I have not yet adjusted to (it's only been 10 minutes!).

Two hours left on the timer and so far I'm OK. I guess I'll have to pass the time watching HBO through my slingbox =).

Treatment doesn't stop after I leave the center; they had me bring home a portable pump to deliver chemo (Fluorouracil, 100mL) that will be kept running for the next 2 days.

As for the side effects of chemo, I'm not feeling all that much - but then again its probably too early to tell. The only things I've noticed so far are:
1. very, very slight nausea (it might be worse tomorrow)
2. strange, unpleasant sensations when eating
3. sensitivity to anything cold (common to oxaliplatin)

I was prescribed Compazine generic drug (for the nausea). I think I'll try it out (even though I don't feel that nauseated); lets see what happens...

Some unique things I did today:
1. have chemotherapy for the first time

Its Back To Work Today

Weight: 140.8
Pain areas: pain around right shoulder has subsided a bit
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: about the same as yesterday
Medications:
1. Prevacid,
2. vicodin (2 tablets),
3. Vitamin E,
4. Multivitamin
5. Docusate

After about a week off from work, I'm finally going back (probably not for too long, though). Its good to be back - any longer than a week and it'll probably be difficult to catch up on all the things my co-workers have been doing at work. While I can technically work remotely (I'm in software development), its great to see all the familiar faces around the office.

I work in El Segundo, CA with a company called Tandberg Television (bought by Ericsson not too long ago), high up in the 16th floor. We've got a great view - you'd be able to see the ocean as well as LAX from up here. Its just a great place to work!

For lunch, me and some of my co-workers went out to Chili's (errr, Chachky's) - one of our usual lunch places. As some of you may know, Chili's is working with the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital to find cures for childhood cancer. Guests can go in and decorate their own Chili peppers and they'll post it up around the restaurant (you'll just need to pay a small fee to do so). See my awesome artwork below...


Something unique I did today:
1. have my artwork posted at a restaurant
2. pay to have my artwork posted at a restaurant



Here's the artwork of other people already posted up (notice one of them reads "I kick cancer in the face" =) ):

We're Off To See The Wizard!

I'm writing this in a Borders store waiting for 3pm so we can see the new Harry Potter movie in IMAX (thats about 2 hours from now). Its been a while since I last saw a movie in IMAX (wait, have I ever seen one in IMAX?) so we'll see how things improved.

I'm not a big Harry Potter's fan but I do like the special effects. I have not read the books and don't really care to, although I've had better experiences with books than I have with movies (but they do take a much longer time to finish). I do like magic, however, but apparently not so much as my talented friend Eric. He took me to see the Magic Castle in Hollywood (of which he is a proud member of). I loved the tricks - both the stage and close-up shows. And I always find myself trying to reverse engineer the tricks, mostly to no avail. It sometimes gives me a headache trying to figure out how they did it.

Health wise, I feel sore. And its not just my shoulder area either; my back is hurting a little from the many times I had to bend over every time I have a heartburn attack (which happens maybe 2 an hour). Eating food isn't all that pleasant either. Besides the difficulty swallowing, I get severe hiccups when I eat too fast for attempt to swallow something not well chewed. This is probably what's causing some discomfort around my midsection - which isn't all that bad, but something noteworthy. All of these discomforts should go away if I took a Vicodin pill, but I forgot to bring it. But its OK because I have to force myself to ration the pills I have left - they only gave me a dozen or so (without any refills!). I gotta save them for important things - like when I go back to work tomorrow (just kiddin').

Just to give some people a heads up on what the future entails for me:
1. Chemo starting Tuesday which goes on for 6 weeks, every other week, 1 day a week.
2. Chemo+Radiation soon after; I can't wait!
3. Esophagegtomy (surgery in about 3 months)

At least I'll be in good hands at UCLA, they even have a website for my disease!

Weight: 140.6
Pain areas: right shoulder (and I didn't bring my Vicodin pills with me, ug!)
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: about the same as yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, vicodin (2 tablets), Vitamin E, Multivitamin

Unique things I did today:
1. See a movie in IMAX (its been a while)
2. Write a blog entry in a bookstore

I'm On The GO

This is a test of mobile blogger - this was sent using my phone.

I've been taking it real easy today - mostly stayed in the apartment and sleeping or having long walks outside. My right side is pretty sore so I can't really do much of anything else right now.

Weight: 140.0
Pain areas: shoulder area - site of portacath (vicodin helps a lot with this)
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little better than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vicodin (2 tablets), Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Something unique I did today:
1. walk on treadmill for a half-mile barefoot.
2. haven't showered since Thursday morning (nearly 3 days!) - its all because I can't get my incision site wet (I usually shower everyday, otherwise). My natural aroma ain't that bad, actually - quite soothing to the senses. Hey, I had no complaints so far...

Resistence Is Futile

My very first implant device. I'm now one step closer to realizing my dream of being part of the Borg collective. Well, not really. Today I had a "port-a-cath" installed in my upper-right chest area which will be used to deliver "healing drugs" (a.k.a Chemotheray) to my body. They'll also be able to use that port to draw blood in case I'm in need of a blood test. No more IVs through my veins! Yay!

The appointment was incredibly early in the morning - 6:30am. I couldn't believe it! And I couldn't believe that Eric actually drove down from the Valley to see me that early in the morning. Thanks Bro!

When I was all settled on the hospital bed with my very awkward hospital gown (how do those people expect me to tie them when the opening is in the back?! And no, I don't want the opening in the front), one of the nurses started an IV drip on my left arm. I was very impressed with her skills - I didn't feel ANYTHING. She used a local anesthetic that no one else used on me before. Why do people needlessly make me suffer?! Anyways, that would end up being my last IV for quite a while since I now have my port.

Post-op was ok - not too much pain if I didn't move my right arm so much. I was given two tablets of percocet and that went really well - it took effect in about 20 minutes. When it takes effect, you'll immediately know it. It was an 'oooh-ahhh, I feel kinda sleepy' feeling.

Can you see the little bump on my chest??

As I'm writing this the meds I took this morning are wearing off and I feel pretty sore around shoulder, but good thing I got Vicodin! Yippie! Dr. Cameron (my surgeon) says that I should be able to remove my bandage this Monday - I'm hoping that the pain wouldn't be so bad at that point cuz I got work. I kinda miss work..... we'll see how I feel after I start Chemo on Tuesday.

(I'm using the camera on my phone to take my pix)

Weight: 140.0
Pain areas: heartburn, chest area,
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little better than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Percocet (2 tablets), Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

I Finally Fixed The Little Sucker!

Weight: 139.6
Pain areas: heartburn, chest area,
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little better than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

This post isn't really related to my health, but I just had to write it down because it was such an accomplishment for me - I've been struggling with this for months!

A little background: I host my own servers at home using MS Windows Servers. I have a Domain Controller and an Exchange 2003 server that I have under a VM (thats short for Virtual Machine). Both VM are running under my host machine which is also a Windows 2003 server. The problem that I've been for a while was that the clock in the VMs were about twice as fast as real-time.

At first I thought that it was the CPU speed throttling on the AMD processor (their 'Cool n' Quiet' feature) but it still had problems even though I disabled it. I kind of gave up on fixing the clock problem and instead worked around it by having my Domain Controller sync up its time using pool.ntp.org every 20 seconds or so. Under normal circumstances, a server would only need to sync up every couple hours or so - but the clock in my VM was going fast-forward. So I got that to work but not for my Exchange Server. Since the Exchange server is part of the domain, it should automatically sync up its time with the Domain Controller. But that didn't work, and in fact it might have made it even worse as the clock in that VM was going 3 seconds for every "real" second.

After about 4 or 5 hours mucking with the registries and several commands, I changed my tactic back to exploring the options in VMware itself.

It turned out that I had to set these options in the config.ini file:

host.cpukHz = 3000000
host.noTSC = TRUE
pstc.noTSC = TRUE
host.TSC.noForceSync = TRUE
processor0.use = TRUE
processor1.use = FALSE

I think the main problem was that VMware was using the 2 cores of the processor and that somehow caused the timing inconsistencies. Setting it use only the first core works perfectly now.

At last! Now I can finally have my very own reliable email!

New Spam Filter For My Server

Weight: 140.8
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: about the same from yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

I've been getting waayyyy too much spam lately - and even though most of them automatically go to my "Junk Email Folder", its still a pain to go through it just to make sure there was no false positives. I'm also using GFI MailEssentials to help filter spam.

I decided to try "Greylisting" a try. The technique is pretty simple, actually. It works on the basis that spammers only attempt to send mail once (if the mail bounces, they don't bother resending it). The downside of greylisting is that I no longer get instantaneous emails. Oh well, its a small price to pay.

The software that I use is made by Proxmea and its free!! It works great on my Exchange 2003 server.

Another Normal Day

Weight: 139.4
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: none, really
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little more difficulty than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Another Normal Day

Weight: 139.0
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: about the same as yesterday
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little more difficulty than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Another Normal Day

Weight: 140.0
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: about the same as yesterday
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little more difficulty than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Another Normal Day

Weight: 138.8
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: increase is significant in left hand when waking up
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little less difficulty than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Driving Around Town

Weight: 138.4
Pain areas: just the reflux
Numbness: increase is significant in left hand when waking up
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive
Swallowing: little more difficulty than yesterday
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

Didn’t go to work today – instead I went around town picking up my medical records from different places for Dr. Cameron. I’m most likely also going to be out next week from work. I’m not exactly sure of my plans but I’ll think of something.

One of my records were actually on CD - it was my CT scan - chest, abdomen, neck - almost a full body scan.

Bombarded With Emails of Support

Weight: 138.6
Pain areas: Throat poareas feel substantially less painful than yesterday. Its almost completely cleared up
Numbness: less than yesterday
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive, but reading more material is causing slight distress
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea

I’ve been replying back to a lot of emails that were send to me after my posting to the EC grouip listserv. Lots of people want to help and offers of support.

I ended up going to work but I don’t feel like working – I’d rather be doing something someplace else. Maybe I can take next week off.

Time To Hit The Gym....again

Weight: 138.4
Pain areas: Throat areas feel substantially less painful than yesterday
Numbness: woke up with little numbness on left hand
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive, but worried about lymph nodes
Medications: Prevacid, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea, Tylenol tablet.

I’m going to my regular gym today – I’ll see how that goes. My focus for going will be to build some muscle and to work out a little cardio – but not to lose weight. That’ll be the last thing I want to do.

Date With My Oncologist

Weight: 137.8
Pain areas: Throat areas feel substantially less painful – even without medications. =)
Numbness: n/a
Nightsweat: none, really
General Attitude: Positive, but worried about the appointment for today
Medications: Prevacid, Chloraseptic spray+lozanges, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass tea, Tylenol tablet.

I went in for my appointment with my Oncologist at UCLA. I met Brian and Eric over there – I’m glad they came to lend some support. The first doctor (a resident) who came to see me was awesome! Same with Dr. Wainberg; really nice people working there...

As for the report from my oncologist (Dr. Wainberg): I was stage 3 with some lymph node infected tissue but no metastasis. At least I was not at stage 4, which I thought I was at. Whew! The problem is that it went to my lymph nodes – and that is not good, I was not expecting that at all.

Another Normal Day

Weight: 137.2
Pain areas: Throat areas, esp. when swallowing – about the same from yesterday. Tylenol helps. Heartburn is slightly less frequent than yesterday.
Numbness: n/a
Nightsweat: a little less then yesterday
General Attitude: Positive
Medications: Prevacid, Chloraseptic spray+lozanges, Vitamin E, Multivitamin, Lemon grass

Lance, You Are My Idol

I went to church today – and my mom had the priest bless me personally (without telling me first! I don’t like it when she does that.) Afterwards, we ate at an Indian restaurant then went back to Sarah’s apartment. I spent about 1 hour at the gym and then went swimming afterwards. I bought 2 new cancer related books online to read on my Sony Reader.
One of those books, “Live Strong”, from the Lance Armstrong Foundation, is extremely enlightening and puts a positive spin on my overall view of having cancer. I’m already on page 58 and I’m sure it’ll be a good reading – I’ve learned quite a bit already! The more I know about my enemy, the more chances I have for my success.

The 9-Hour ER Wait

What a night! I went to the UCLA ER to have my throat checked out - I was there from 6pm and didn’t get out until about 3am the next morning! That’s a very bad first impression of the ER for me, although it would really be interesting to work in one – a lot of drama and the days are never the same.
I spent some of my day fixing my exhchange server – it turned out that the problem was GFI and all I had to do was to reinstall it.
I’ve been taking lots of throat lozenges because of the pain in my throat – Chloraseptic lozanges and the spray helps a lot. I’ve also been taking vitamin E supplements and a multi-vitamin and lemongrass tea everyday – so says my sister. I guess its not that bad. What I don’t like is the effervescent tablets. That doesn’t taste so good.

Inside The Giant Donut

Weight: 136.2
Pain areas: Throat areas, esp. when swallowing – noticeably more pain than yesterday. Heartburn isn’t as bad now-a-days. Its not really an issue compared to the pain in my throat.
Numbness: Right hand, right foot (only slight when waking up. A little shake and its gone)
General Attitude: Positive

I’m losing so much weight that I’m getting worried. I’m down 0.8lbs from yesterday and down nearly 4lbs 10 days ago. The other concern is my throat – I noticed some white patches in the back of my throat (and some redness). Pain started the morning after my endoscopy with Dr. Ferrell on August 27. Eating is becoming very difficult because of the pain – up to a pain severity of 7 when swallowing. The throat lozenges that Sarah bought for me were a godsend – pain subsides after about a minute.

I just got a call on my cell at 11am saying that UCLA might have a spot for me later today to take my much anticipated PET scan. I can’t wait – best good news today. Now I just have to starve myself for the rest of the day (I can’t have anything to eat before the test). Maybe that’s why I’m losing so much weight?

The PET procedure wasn’t so bad – about 2 hours in all nearly half of which involved just waiting around for the stuff to go through my system. It was actually a PET and CT scan combined into one. I had to swallow some tracer in the form of a smoothie and was injected with a radioactive tracer. I had to wait about 35 minutes for that radioactive substance to be circulated around me system. While in the machine itself I was injected with different contrasts – one of which caused a burning sensation all over my body (which I was told in advance). That makes 4 IVs that I’ve had so far and at least 6 blood tests.

Did I Wet My Bed?

Weight: 136.8 (guess)
Pain areas: Throat areas, esp. when swallowing. Heartburn isn’t as bad now-a-days.
General Attitude: Positive

I spent the day yesterday half at work and half with Brian and Eric golfing (it was my first time). I ended up leaving work early since I felt like it – who in their right mind would stay and fix bugs at work while they’re battling cancer? Its almost unimaginable for me to show up at work in the first place. Vaibhav was right – I should be taking my days off and just relaxing without worrying about work. And so it is. Going golfing was OK – it was a little exhausting for me since I feel noticeably weaker; but I didn’t want to disappoint them by telling them that I couldn’t go.
I woke up today pretty sweaty – but not too sweaty that it soaked the bed. My shirt was pretty moist, however. I could only imagine how moist I would be without the fan blowing towards me. My uvula is very sore now – and so is the back of my throat. Is it from my stomach acid or was it an accident from Dr. Ferrell?
I worry everyday that I might get worse. Its mentally and physically draining; only the people who have been through it really knows how it feels. It is a truly humbling experience – and an extremely life-altering situation that forces one to overlook the petty problems in life (even some big ones). Be it a cliché, but life is really too short to argue about the small things. I’m only beginning to understand this. If there was one person on this Earth who worries about the smallest things that would have been me. Is this my lesson in life?

All Drugged Up

Yesterday was pretty hellish for me. My sister drove me to UCLA for my 2pm appointment and we had to wait about 2 hours for me to see Dr. Ferrell. The worst part was the IV stuck into me (again on my right arm) – that hurt pretty bad; and even if it was in it was pretty uncomfortable. The good thing though was that Brian and Eric came over to see me there. We passed the time chatting (them more than me; I didn’t feel like talking that much – do I ever?) and watching Eric do his magic card tricks.
At the end I was told that I had another biopsy performed on me – and that I would probably need to have a PET scan sometime this week. Its all fine with me. Sarah, Brian, and Eric all know the results now – I told them not to reveal this information to me; even though I have a really good feeling what it is. I don’t even want to say it to myself – or even write it down.
Today my fingers and some toes started to get more noticeably numb – so I kept on moving them around a lot. I guess it could be the sedative they gave me yesterday – I remember hearing that they gave me a lot. I had to go to the bathroom like 5 times just this morning alone. And I felt pretty weak, again probably from the sedative. Went to church this morning at had breakfast at IHOP. I don’t think I’ll be going to work today; Mike is probably expecting me there. I ended up emailing Mike and Vaibhav that I won’t be in today and that I’ll be in tomorrow.
Working out at the gym and taking a swim really felt great – it cleared up a lot of my worries and made me feel more energized. But now I worry that I don’t worry enough.
I noticed a strange feeling around my uvula this morning – like I was able to swallow it. I did a self-examination and found that it might have been accidentally cauterized while Dr. Ferrell was working on me. I don’t really mind – but I just want to confirm it isn’t something serious.
My overall health has been pretty much been the same – but a slight improvement because of the exercise. Swallowing has been noticeable improved probably because of the biopsies that Dr. Ferrell did (I think he made a better pathway for food to go through). Burping has also been improved because of this, but I still have hiccups when swallowing sometimes.

Another Big One Down My Throat

That's right! Today is the big day - I'm getting my ultrasound endoscopy. Today is the day I find out my cancer stage – and I’m not sure what to think. I feel very apprehensive, however. I’ve never felt this nervous before – and I can’t seem to overstate that fact. Physically, I seem to be doing OK – the reflex isn’t that bad (even without taking a Prevacid since yesterday morning). I do get frequent heartburn maybe once an hour or so (or when I try to burp). I did notice some slight numbness on the toes and fingers – like a tingly sensation although it’s probably too minor to say anything about (I’ll mention it to Sarah when I see her – if I remember). And I still feel something on the back of my throat – like its irritated (they tell me it’s the acid, but I dunno). I now realize that I feel alone in what I’m going through even though I have family company with me constantly. I don’t think they realize exactly what I’m going through – it’s very scary. Hopefully I’ll be able to meet other people with what I’m going through.

It is 9:43am and I’m at work. I got here a little before 9am – more than an hour before my regular start time. I didn’t think I should work out today since my procedure is later this day and I didn’t want to screw up the test results from me drinking too much water – or get so hungry that I would have to eat before the test.

I just finished ordering the Sprint EVDO card for my laptop (I think Sarah is right when she said I’ll be using it quite a bit). Joe Franzetta (my boss’s boss) talked with me for a bit – he knows now since Lisa told him. Oh well, everyone will eventually know.

STAY POSITIVE!

Church?

Today my mom took me too church. I haven’t gone in a very long time – far too long to remember when the last time I went was. The mass was not that bad – not too many people that one would get lost in the crowds, and not too small that the pastor would keep staring at you since he would have no other face to look at. It was quite enjoyable. We went to soup plantation afterwards for lunch.

Teach Thy Self

Today I started searching for EC resources on the internet. I was quite surprised that Yahoo groups actually had at least two groups dedicated to EC. Wow! But not only that, one of them showed up as the third result after doing a group search on “cancer”. I signed up immediately.

I emailed Brian and Eric today about my appointment with Dr. Ferrell on Monday, and they told me that they’ll find a way to make it to the test (ultrasound endoscopy), even though they already had important plans – such dedicated friends! I’ll meet them tomorrow at Evalina's birthday party.

I called up Kevin while driving to Sarah’s apartment today – as I promised him yesterday via text message. We chatted about what I was going through and what he thought about the whole thing. He really seemed lost for words to say to me (as I would also be if I were in his position), but I can feel his sympathy towards me which was of course expected. I reminded him again to take a chest x-ray since he smokes pretty heavily and now started coughing while I was on the phone with him. Coughing is not a good sign especially if you’re a smoker. If I can make at least one difference in another’s life then what may happen to me just might be worth it.

There was a letter for me in the mail that I have yet to open – it was a plead for donations from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I bet they got my name from the folks at “The Los Angeles Mission” organization to which I donated money previously. No worries, though. I decided to donate some money to their cause. Some of those kids are in a lot worse position than me and they’re much younger. Those brave soles, they need all the help they can get.

It was move-in day at my sister Sarah’s apartment. It took us quite a while to get things settled just right – since we didn’t exactly agree on the placement of certain furniture and some of my things. But oh well, I shouldn’t really argue since I pay no rent and she’s practically taking care of me. She went ahead and ordered the some faux paper walls to separate her side and my side of the living room while I upgraded her Time Warner Cable Internet to 6Mb/s. This should be fast enough to stream my Slingbox and Netflix videos.

As for my general health, I feel almost no different than yesterday. I still have heartburn attacks every now and then – maybe 30 mins apart or more lasting about 5 seconds a piece (causes me to bend over a bit). I get night sweats when I’m sleeping and woke up about 3:30am – which is the normal time now for me ever since I found out about my EC. Maybe it has to do with my night sweats? I’ve been reading that night sweats are an initial sign of cancer so I’m not too thrilled about that at all. It just confirms everything that the doctor’s told me – that I do have EC. But I think I’m getting better at coming to terms with it. As I told Kevin today, I’d go crazy if I couldn’t come to terms with my condition. I think there is something going on in my throat as well – I can feel something there (perhaps from the acid reflux??). But it is not good since one of my doctors did say that my throat should also be biopsied. I also still have trouble swallowing and get Everything else seems to be going OK. I guess it helps to realize that what I’m going through is only temporary – it’ll end one way or another and that we all die eventually. Way, way back in Junior High School I became physically sick because I worried so much that I will eventually die. I didn’t know what to expect – and worried about that unknown. My mom was worried for me since I (I think) came down with a fever or something but it was all about me facing my eventual demise on Earth. Now-a-days, even before I started seeing Dr. Houston, that I understand and accept that everyone lives a limited time. Its nature, and that it must happen. Now, after realizing that I just may have more limited time than I originally had planned, it is somewhat difficult to accept – although it’s not as bad as my way of thinking in Junior High. The road ahead is indeed very difficult and although I know that I’m not alone in this journey, I must go through with it.

In The Begining

I was diagnosed with Adenocarcinoma of the esophagus on August 21, 2007, a very potentially deadly (and extremely rare) form of cancer that effects (on average) people in their 50’s-70’s. I am 28 years old. They say that this type of cancer is mostly contributed to cigarette smoking and chronic alcohol exposure (for Squamous Cell) or GERD (for adenocarcinoma). Truth be told, I had smoked a total of less than 5 cigarettes in my whole life thus far and only drank alcohol during college – and even then it was only for a social matter (minus a couple of days of extreme drinking added together; it is almost impossible to graduate from a university without this prerequisite – especially for a guy). I also have no recollection of having any serious/constant acid reflex. I had a regular work-out routine for about 5 years (of which the last two years were 5-day-a-week 1-2 hour sessions at the gym). I had lost about 25 pounds during that time and was the hardest goal I had ever achieved; I really wanted a lean yet ‘”cut” body. I mostly got the lean part down and still working on the muscles. I eat relatively healthy (I think) – the last two years involved mostly oatmeal and orange juice for breakfast – to which my co-workers can easily testify to. So how does a person like me get this type of cancer? Unfortunately, medical science is not yet advanced enough to answer this question definitively. I work so hard to maintain a healthy body, but there are just some things you or anybody else can control.

I guess my story really begins when my symptoms started appearing. I would have to say it started late June when I started seeing my Primary Care Physician, Dr. Houston. The insurance I have at work is a PPO which allows us to see any doctor that we like. Believe it or not, I was originally more concerned about my lungs so I went to see a Pulmonologist. On the very first visit we discussed a lot of different concerns that I had – mostly focused on my lungs, maybe about 5 minutes were only devoted to my difficulty burping. So the ball started rolling from there – in a few days after that office visit I was to have a chest x-ray, breathing tests, and blood and urine tests. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of tests performed on me – I don’t remember any other time in my life where I had that many tests. The results of all of this were considered “almost normal”, this is, for a person living in the heavily polluted Los Angeles area (my lung capacity was not considered normal for the average person). My chest x-ray was fine, I was extremely relieved. But I was a bit disappointed – I was expecting myself to be above average since I do cardio workouts 5 days a week. But oh well, Dr. Houston told me that it wasn’t THAT bad – that I probably wouldn’t notice the decreased lung capacity unless I was an Olympic gymnast or professional runner. My concern about my burping was all but lost in the mayhem of tests.

On my return appointment with Dr. Houston, I opened up more to my problem of being unable to burp properly (note that I did not say ‘problem swallowing’). We discussed exactly what I was feeling and where I thought the problem could be. I believed at that time that it was in my throat and somehow constricted my ability to burp. I’m glad he listened, even though it wasn’t his specialty (and I didn’t feel like seeing another doctor since he’s that good). He ordered a swallowing evaluation test for me with a speech therapist. This procedure involves me swallowing “radioactive” food while the doctors scan me using x-rays while I swallow. One of the doctors (who I don’t know his name), asked me why I was having this procedure done and also wanted to know my age. I told him it was because of my difficulty burping and that I was 28. He told me that it was highly unusual for a person like me taking this test – that I should be in tip-top shape. The test was done with me swallowing some tasty sweet smoothie and some crackers with some cream on top. It tasted yummy – too bad it was radioactive. The test went well with no complications – it couldn’t have gone any more perfect than that. I felt no problems with my burping to which I felt really bummed about since I now look like I was just making the whole thing up to all those doctors. But I knew something was up with me and wanted to know what it was.

On my next appointment with Dr. Houston, we went through the results of my swallowing eval. Since the test results appeared clean, I ended up changing my story and told him that whatever it was that it might be in my stomach. I guess he believed me and suggested that I should get an abdominal ultrasound and then an endoscopy – in which a scope would be placed down my throat. I agreed; it was a full-proof way of finding out what was happening inside of me.