The Good And The Bad

Weight: 124
Pain: 0/10
Nausea: 0/10
Depression: 5/10
Tiredness: 1/10
Swallowing Difficulty: 1/10
Medications: none

I'll start with the good news first since that seems to be quicker to get out of the way. I just got an email from my oncologist last night regarding my latest PET/CT scan (which was done last Thursday). The prognosis is that the tumor has shrunk. Yep, certainly good news! Looks like the combo of radiation and Taxotere/5FU did the trick. I haven’t read the doctors' report yet like I usually do with my PET/CT readings so I don’t know exactly how much it had shrunk. All I know is that there was significant shrinkage but the tumor is still there (but at least has not spread). This means that I’m pretty much guaranteed surgical resection in the very near future.

So that’s the good news. The bad news, however is that I’ve been feeling pretty depressed lately and been crying spontaneously throughout the day. I’m not exactly sure why I’m depressed – perhaps it’s the fact that I now have to face surgery. Waking up with tubes and wires connected all over my body with cuts to my abdomen and neck not to even mention the pain that I would experience scares me half to death. The 6-week recovery after surgery is also very disconcerting to me. I can't imagine going through with that kind of situation. I even considered not going through with the surgery since it sounds that bad to me. I realize though that it would be very foolish of me not to go through with it.

Its so easy for everyone else to say "stay positive", but you guys don't know just HOW DIFFICULT my situation is. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. I'm amazed I've made it this far. God help me survive the 6-week hell I'll be going through.