I got my voice partially fixed yesterday (if you didn't know, my voice has been hoarse since surgery). What they did was inject (through my neck!) some collagen in my left vocal cord since it no longer moves (most likely damage from surgery from what I was told). Boy, it was a really weird sensation talking for 30 mins after the injection. The solution is only temporary, lasting about 3 months and if my voice hasn't gone back to normal by then I'll need to get another operation to fix it.
Today I had a meeting with my oncologist (as planned). He didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know but just tried to comfort me a little saying that it was way too small to even see on the CT and only visible on the PET scan. I'll start chemo next week. In about two months I'll have another scan.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
PET/CT Scan Results
I saw the images on the CDs and read the radiology report. I read it multiple times just to make sure. It's not good news at all. According to the report, "there are three new hypermetabolic liver lesions..., highly suspicious for metastatic lesions". To say the least, I'm quite upset and felt nauseous immediately after reading that sentence. It makes me wish that I didn't read the report at all, and instead waited until my oncology appointment. I just had surgery two months ago to remove it and now it's back?!?!?
My oncology appointment is on Tuesday so I'll have a long talk with my oncologist about this.
My oncology appointment is on Tuesday so I'll have a long talk with my oncologist about this.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Back To The ER
I woke up this morning with extreme pain around my J-tube area - I've been having this pain for about 4 days now but nowhere as bad as today. I also noticed a day or two ago that there was a few drops of blood also around that area (as well as some puss) but didn't think nothing of it since it wasn't exactly gushing out (and one of my nurses said not to worry about it). But now I'm starting to really worry since the pain has increased and the tube appears to be stuck - before it could easily be pushed into or pulled out of my abdomen.
I lucked out this time - there was no waiting line for the ER when I arrived, Yay! I immediately got a room but still had to wait a while for a doctor to come and see me.
After an abdominal x-ray and an ultrasound with some blood tests, it was confirmed that my J-tube area was infected. More antibiotics for me....yuppie! They also replaced the J-tube which hurt like hell. =(
I lucked out this time - there was no waiting line for the ER when I arrived, Yay! I immediately got a room but still had to wait a while for a doctor to come and see me.
After an abdominal x-ray and an ultrasound with some blood tests, it was confirmed that my J-tube area was infected. More antibiotics for me....yuppie! They also replaced the J-tube which hurt like hell. =(
Surprise Birthday
Yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday (but it's actually on the 23rd). It was no ordinary birthday but a surprise birthday. And boy was it a surprise! LOL. My family, friends and co-workers were there at the restaurant ("The Odyssey" at Granada Hills) and I had no idea what-so-ever. I had a stunned look on my face; I thought I was just going to have a quiet lunch with my mom and sister. It was the best birthday ever! =)
I got the new "Guitar Hero III" for the XBOX and a 1TB hard-drive as presents. Thank you so much, guys!
Now onto another subject. I'm going to have another PET/CT scan on Tuesday to see if there's any cancer left in my body - there shouldn't be since surgery took it all out (knock on wood). I'll post the results on my blog and maybe even a video clip of the scan.
I got the new "Guitar Hero III" for the XBOX and a 1TB hard-drive as presents. Thank you so much, guys!
Now onto another subject. I'm going to have another PET/CT scan on Tuesday to see if there's any cancer left in my body - there shouldn't be since surgery took it all out (knock on wood). I'll post the results on my blog and maybe even a video clip of the scan.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Cancer Links
YOUNG ADULT CANCER FACTS
1. Cancer incidence in young adults has doubled over the past 20 years
2. 70,000 people ages 15-39 are diagnosed with cancer each year
3. Young adults with cancer have lower survival rates with respect to the geriatric and pediatric populations
There are many reasons there has been no improvement in young adult survival rates:
* Doctors don’t take young adult patients seriously because they are not in the typical demographic for cancer, brain tumors, or some other life threatening disease leading to delayed diagnosis.
* Lack of research - Young adult patients often are not eligible for studies (too old for pediatric studies or to young for traditional studies) and there are few studies geared towards the 15-39 age group.
* Entry level jobs with poor healthcare - young people are just starting out so the costs of healthcare are not a priority. Early detection/education about warning signs is essential.
* “Superman” complex - Belief that nothing could ever happen to a young adult patient. They think they are invincible! Early detection/education about warning signs is essential.
"I accept what is to come, but I cannot rid myself of a deep mourning for all those experiences -- college, marriage, children, grandchildren -- that will probably never be mine to celebrate. What solace I do find is in the knowledge that I have done everything I can to transmute this terribleness into something positive by showing as many people as I can how to endure it with a smile.
I don't believe you can ask for any more, but if I could ask for something, it would be to be able to go outside into the glorious spring air, feeling healthy and blissfully clueless as to how lucky I was for it, if only just for an hour."
--- Miles Levin
Wow. Just wow. You just gotta read his story.
And of course, Randy Pausch's Last Lecture is required viewing.
Did you order your
cap today?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
More Chemo In My Future
I had a meeting with my oncologist a few days ago discussing my current state after surgery. He pretty much summed up that everything I am going through is normal - the coughing, shortness of breath, tiredness, and some breathing issues. The thing is, I wasn't told this before surgery; oh well, at least its "normal" and will only have to deal with these symptoms for another 2-3 months.
My oncologist also recommended that I do more chemo (I'm guessing for another 6 weeks). And its not because of anything in my pathology report, which, by the way, he said was a "good" result. He said that its because that I'm mainly young and could handle it - that he'd like to be as aggressive as possible. I'm down with it. The problem that I have is that he's not totally sure that the chemo that I will take (called taxotere) would be effective. Sure, taxotere was what I was getting with radiation with successfully shrunk down the tumor, but he's not sure if it was the taxotere alone that was responsible for the shrinkage or the radiation. So I'll be taking taxotere with no guarantees that it would do anything. I remember my experiences with taxotere were pretty unpleasant - nausea, vomiting, tiredness, and the dreadful hair loss. I've grown back much of my hair since I shaved it many months ago and I just might have to do it again. Ug! Well, that'll be in 3-4 weeks or so. That's when I'm supposed to start my chemo treatments again. He first wants me to recover more from surgery before starting chemo.
As for everything else going on with me, I'm doing "ok' - better than 2 weeks ago, at least. The pneumonia is pretty much gone thanks to some antibiotics. I still cough quite a bit but not as much, my voice is still hoarse and barely understandable (which is extremely annoying when I have to talk to people), breathing is still a problem (I can't take in full breaths) which leads me to be easily tired. One bit of good news is that my resting pulse rate is down to the low 100s (from 130-140 many weeks ago).
I'm stating to do some easy exercises like stretching and slow walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I think this will help me improve my cardio and pulmonary systems, not to mention get rid of some depression.
Mentally, I've been just "hanging on" to what I can. I've been through bouts of depression (I think I need something stronger than paxil) but I try to fight it off with just going outside, watching movies, exercising, or playing some computer games. In the Kübler-Ross model of grief, I believe I'm at the mid-point of depression and acceptance. It's been over 7 months since my diagnosis and I thing I should be over it by now, don't you think? I guess it varies for different people. I frequently go back to the "anger" stage because I really think that "ITS NOT FAIR". And its not fair. But people always say "Life is never fair". Screw that! This is CANCER we're talking about. There is no justification for anyone to suffer through cancer - especially at a young age! Damnit! I already lost my father though lung cancer when I was 17. Talk about unfair?!? HOW UNFAIR CAN YOU GET? This is life and death we're talking about - this is serious shit.
I used to be a pretty fit person before cancer. I religiously went to the gym 5 days a week, ate pretty healthy, and felt great! At work my group used to run up and down the 16 floors of our building for exercise each day - I was the first one up every time. Now, I can barely manage the 3 floors at my apartment building and being out of breath - and this is taking a small break at each floor. That's just an example of some serious changes I have to contend with. I always prided myself on my physical abilities and of my good health before cancer, because as many say, no matter how bad things got, I'd always say "hey, I still have my good health". But obviously that no longer is the case. There is almost nothing for me to fall back on; something that I can really depend on, you know? And that is just plain UNFAIR, and angers me very much. I'm currently searching for replacements and so far I have my family, friends, and the people at my work that care about me.
(Please excuse all the bitching...)
Thank you all for your support.
...Live Strong...
My oncologist also recommended that I do more chemo (I'm guessing for another 6 weeks). And its not because of anything in my pathology report, which, by the way, he said was a "good" result. He said that its because that I'm mainly young and could handle it - that he'd like to be as aggressive as possible. I'm down with it. The problem that I have is that he's not totally sure that the chemo that I will take (called taxotere) would be effective. Sure, taxotere was what I was getting with radiation with successfully shrunk down the tumor, but he's not sure if it was the taxotere alone that was responsible for the shrinkage or the radiation. So I'll be taking taxotere with no guarantees that it would do anything. I remember my experiences with taxotere were pretty unpleasant - nausea, vomiting, tiredness, and the dreadful hair loss. I've grown back much of my hair since I shaved it many months ago and I just might have to do it again. Ug! Well, that'll be in 3-4 weeks or so. That's when I'm supposed to start my chemo treatments again. He first wants me to recover more from surgery before starting chemo.
As for everything else going on with me, I'm doing "ok' - better than 2 weeks ago, at least. The pneumonia is pretty much gone thanks to some antibiotics. I still cough quite a bit but not as much, my voice is still hoarse and barely understandable (which is extremely annoying when I have to talk to people), breathing is still a problem (I can't take in full breaths) which leads me to be easily tired. One bit of good news is that my resting pulse rate is down to the low 100s (from 130-140 many weeks ago).
I'm stating to do some easy exercises like stretching and slow walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I think this will help me improve my cardio and pulmonary systems, not to mention get rid of some depression.
Mentally, I've been just "hanging on" to what I can. I've been through bouts of depression (I think I need something stronger than paxil) but I try to fight it off with just going outside, watching movies, exercising, or playing some computer games. In the Kübler-Ross model of grief, I believe I'm at the mid-point of depression and acceptance. It's been over 7 months since my diagnosis and I thing I should be over it by now, don't you think? I guess it varies for different people. I frequently go back to the "anger" stage because I really think that "ITS NOT FAIR". And its not fair. But people always say "Life is never fair". Screw that! This is CANCER we're talking about. There is no justification for anyone to suffer through cancer - especially at a young age! Damnit! I already lost my father though lung cancer when I was 17. Talk about unfair?!? HOW UNFAIR CAN YOU GET? This is life and death we're talking about - this is serious shit.
I used to be a pretty fit person before cancer. I religiously went to the gym 5 days a week, ate pretty healthy, and felt great! At work my group used to run up and down the 16 floors of our building for exercise each day - I was the first one up every time. Now, I can barely manage the 3 floors at my apartment building and being out of breath - and this is taking a small break at each floor. That's just an example of some serious changes I have to contend with. I always prided myself on my physical abilities and of my good health before cancer, because as many say, no matter how bad things got, I'd always say "hey, I still have my good health". But obviously that no longer is the case. There is almost nothing for me to fall back on; something that I can really depend on, you know? And that is just plain UNFAIR, and angers me very much. I'm currently searching for replacements and so far I have my family, friends, and the people at my work that care about me.
(Please excuse all the bitching...)
Thank you all for your support.
...Live Strong...
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