The "BIG Talk"

So today is my chemo/doctor's appointment.

Me and my oncologist (with my family) went over my PET/CT scan results from last Thursday. I'm sorry to say that the results were not good. According to the scans, the tumors have grown to be highly visible on the PET with two definite spots on my liver. The really surprising thing is that a couple of small spots also showed up around the "plural lining of my lung" (I could be mis-quoting my doc). In short, the cancer has grown and spread. I'm "officially incurable" at this point, he added. Surgery and radiation are no longer options for me (because the cancer has spread). More chemo and clinical trials are whats next for me. He'll be changing my chemo from Taxotere since that didn't seem to have any affect on the tumor, although he doesn't know what it'll be yet. He'll present my case at his "tumor group" with other doctors next week to get some recommendations and I'll have a meeting with him next Thursday to go over my options.

How do I feel? I feel relatively calm considering the news. I've prepared myself very well, I think, but never thought of it going anywhere else but my liver. So yeah, that sucks. I've thought about it (receiving bad news) a lot for some weeks, actually, so its not totally unexpected. But I guess now it's reality for me and I'll just have to deal with it.

I didn't have chemo today (doctor recommended) and instead went back to work - I gotta keep my mind on something else.

Boy, now I'm really glad I bought that new bike.