I saw the images on the CDs and read the radiology report. I read it multiple times just to make sure. It's not good news at all. According to the report, "there are three new hypermetabolic liver lesions..., highly suspicious for metastatic lesions". To say the least, I'm quite upset and felt nauseous immediately after reading that sentence. It makes me wish that I didn't read the report at all, and instead waited until my oncology appointment. I just had surgery two months ago to remove it and now it's back?!?!?
My oncology appointment is on Tuesday so I'll have a long talk with my oncologist about this.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Back To The ER
I woke up this morning with extreme pain around my J-tube area - I've been having this pain for about 4 days now but nowhere as bad as today. I also noticed a day or two ago that there was a few drops of blood also around that area (as well as some puss) but didn't think nothing of it since it wasn't exactly gushing out (and one of my nurses said not to worry about it). But now I'm starting to really worry since the pain has increased and the tube appears to be stuck - before it could easily be pushed into or pulled out of my abdomen.
I lucked out this time - there was no waiting line for the ER when I arrived, Yay! I immediately got a room but still had to wait a while for a doctor to come and see me.
After an abdominal x-ray and an ultrasound with some blood tests, it was confirmed that my J-tube area was infected. More antibiotics for me....yuppie! They also replaced the J-tube which hurt like hell. =(
I lucked out this time - there was no waiting line for the ER when I arrived, Yay! I immediately got a room but still had to wait a while for a doctor to come and see me.
After an abdominal x-ray and an ultrasound with some blood tests, it was confirmed that my J-tube area was infected. More antibiotics for me....yuppie! They also replaced the J-tube which hurt like hell. =(
Surprise Birthday
Yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday (but it's actually on the 23rd). It was no ordinary birthday but a surprise birthday. And boy was it a surprise! LOL. My family, friends and co-workers were there at the restaurant ("The Odyssey" at Granada Hills) and I had no idea what-so-ever. I had a stunned look on my face; I thought I was just going to have a quiet lunch with my mom and sister. It was the best birthday ever! =)
I got the new "Guitar Hero III" for the XBOX and a 1TB hard-drive as presents. Thank you so much, guys!
Now onto another subject. I'm going to have another PET/CT scan on Tuesday to see if there's any cancer left in my body - there shouldn't be since surgery took it all out (knock on wood). I'll post the results on my blog and maybe even a video clip of the scan.
I got the new "Guitar Hero III" for the XBOX and a 1TB hard-drive as presents. Thank you so much, guys!
Now onto another subject. I'm going to have another PET/CT scan on Tuesday to see if there's any cancer left in my body - there shouldn't be since surgery took it all out (knock on wood). I'll post the results on my blog and maybe even a video clip of the scan.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Cancer Links
YOUNG ADULT CANCER FACTS
1. Cancer incidence in young adults has doubled over the past 20 years
2. 70,000 people ages 15-39 are diagnosed with cancer each year
3. Young adults with cancer have lower survival rates with respect to the geriatric and pediatric populations
There are many reasons there has been no improvement in young adult survival rates:
* Doctors don’t take young adult patients seriously because they are not in the typical demographic for cancer, brain tumors, or some other life threatening disease leading to delayed diagnosis.
* Lack of research - Young adult patients often are not eligible for studies (too old for pediatric studies or to young for traditional studies) and there are few studies geared towards the 15-39 age group.
* Entry level jobs with poor healthcare - young people are just starting out so the costs of healthcare are not a priority. Early detection/education about warning signs is essential.
* “Superman” complex - Belief that nothing could ever happen to a young adult patient. They think they are invincible! Early detection/education about warning signs is essential.
"I accept what is to come, but I cannot rid myself of a deep mourning for all those experiences -- college, marriage, children, grandchildren -- that will probably never be mine to celebrate. What solace I do find is in the knowledge that I have done everything I can to transmute this terribleness into something positive by showing as many people as I can how to endure it with a smile.
I don't believe you can ask for any more, but if I could ask for something, it would be to be able to go outside into the glorious spring air, feeling healthy and blissfully clueless as to how lucky I was for it, if only just for an hour."
--- Miles Levin
Wow. Just wow. You just gotta read his story.
And of course, Randy Pausch's Last Lecture is required viewing.
Did you order your
cap today?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
More Chemo In My Future
I had a meeting with my oncologist a few days ago discussing my current state after surgery. He pretty much summed up that everything I am going through is normal - the coughing, shortness of breath, tiredness, and some breathing issues. The thing is, I wasn't told this before surgery; oh well, at least its "normal" and will only have to deal with these symptoms for another 2-3 months.
My oncologist also recommended that I do more chemo (I'm guessing for another 6 weeks). And its not because of anything in my pathology report, which, by the way, he said was a "good" result. He said that its because that I'm mainly young and could handle it - that he'd like to be as aggressive as possible. I'm down with it. The problem that I have is that he's not totally sure that the chemo that I will take (called taxotere) would be effective. Sure, taxotere was what I was getting with radiation with successfully shrunk down the tumor, but he's not sure if it was the taxotere alone that was responsible for the shrinkage or the radiation. So I'll be taking taxotere with no guarantees that it would do anything. I remember my experiences with taxotere were pretty unpleasant - nausea, vomiting, tiredness, and the dreadful hair loss. I've grown back much of my hair since I shaved it many months ago and I just might have to do it again. Ug! Well, that'll be in 3-4 weeks or so. That's when I'm supposed to start my chemo treatments again. He first wants me to recover more from surgery before starting chemo.
As for everything else going on with me, I'm doing "ok' - better than 2 weeks ago, at least. The pneumonia is pretty much gone thanks to some antibiotics. I still cough quite a bit but not as much, my voice is still hoarse and barely understandable (which is extremely annoying when I have to talk to people), breathing is still a problem (I can't take in full breaths) which leads me to be easily tired. One bit of good news is that my resting pulse rate is down to the low 100s (from 130-140 many weeks ago).
I'm stating to do some easy exercises like stretching and slow walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I think this will help me improve my cardio and pulmonary systems, not to mention get rid of some depression.
Mentally, I've been just "hanging on" to what I can. I've been through bouts of depression (I think I need something stronger than paxil) but I try to fight it off with just going outside, watching movies, exercising, or playing some computer games. In the Kübler-Ross model of grief, I believe I'm at the mid-point of depression and acceptance. It's been over 7 months since my diagnosis and I thing I should be over it by now, don't you think? I guess it varies for different people. I frequently go back to the "anger" stage because I really think that "ITS NOT FAIR". And its not fair. But people always say "Life is never fair". Screw that! This is CANCER we're talking about. There is no justification for anyone to suffer through cancer - especially at a young age! Damnit! I already lost my father though lung cancer when I was 17. Talk about unfair?!? HOW UNFAIR CAN YOU GET? This is life and death we're talking about - this is serious shit.
I used to be a pretty fit person before cancer. I religiously went to the gym 5 days a week, ate pretty healthy, and felt great! At work my group used to run up and down the 16 floors of our building for exercise each day - I was the first one up every time. Now, I can barely manage the 3 floors at my apartment building and being out of breath - and this is taking a small break at each floor. That's just an example of some serious changes I have to contend with. I always prided myself on my physical abilities and of my good health before cancer, because as many say, no matter how bad things got, I'd always say "hey, I still have my good health". But obviously that no longer is the case. There is almost nothing for me to fall back on; something that I can really depend on, you know? And that is just plain UNFAIR, and angers me very much. I'm currently searching for replacements and so far I have my family, friends, and the people at my work that care about me.
(Please excuse all the bitching...)
Thank you all for your support.
...Live Strong...
My oncologist also recommended that I do more chemo (I'm guessing for another 6 weeks). And its not because of anything in my pathology report, which, by the way, he said was a "good" result. He said that its because that I'm mainly young and could handle it - that he'd like to be as aggressive as possible. I'm down with it. The problem that I have is that he's not totally sure that the chemo that I will take (called taxotere) would be effective. Sure, taxotere was what I was getting with radiation with successfully shrunk down the tumor, but he's not sure if it was the taxotere alone that was responsible for the shrinkage or the radiation. So I'll be taking taxotere with no guarantees that it would do anything. I remember my experiences with taxotere were pretty unpleasant - nausea, vomiting, tiredness, and the dreadful hair loss. I've grown back much of my hair since I shaved it many months ago and I just might have to do it again. Ug! Well, that'll be in 3-4 weeks or so. That's when I'm supposed to start my chemo treatments again. He first wants me to recover more from surgery before starting chemo.
As for everything else going on with me, I'm doing "ok' - better than 2 weeks ago, at least. The pneumonia is pretty much gone thanks to some antibiotics. I still cough quite a bit but not as much, my voice is still hoarse and barely understandable (which is extremely annoying when I have to talk to people), breathing is still a problem (I can't take in full breaths) which leads me to be easily tired. One bit of good news is that my resting pulse rate is down to the low 100s (from 130-140 many weeks ago).
I'm stating to do some easy exercises like stretching and slow walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I think this will help me improve my cardio and pulmonary systems, not to mention get rid of some depression.
Mentally, I've been just "hanging on" to what I can. I've been through bouts of depression (I think I need something stronger than paxil) but I try to fight it off with just going outside, watching movies, exercising, or playing some computer games. In the Kübler-Ross model of grief, I believe I'm at the mid-point of depression and acceptance. It's been over 7 months since my diagnosis and I thing I should be over it by now, don't you think? I guess it varies for different people. I frequently go back to the "anger" stage because I really think that "ITS NOT FAIR". And its not fair. But people always say "Life is never fair". Screw that! This is CANCER we're talking about. There is no justification for anyone to suffer through cancer - especially at a young age! Damnit! I already lost my father though lung cancer when I was 17. Talk about unfair?!? HOW UNFAIR CAN YOU GET? This is life and death we're talking about - this is serious shit.
I used to be a pretty fit person before cancer. I religiously went to the gym 5 days a week, ate pretty healthy, and felt great! At work my group used to run up and down the 16 floors of our building for exercise each day - I was the first one up every time. Now, I can barely manage the 3 floors at my apartment building and being out of breath - and this is taking a small break at each floor. That's just an example of some serious changes I have to contend with. I always prided myself on my physical abilities and of my good health before cancer, because as many say, no matter how bad things got, I'd always say "hey, I still have my good health". But obviously that no longer is the case. There is almost nothing for me to fall back on; something that I can really depend on, you know? And that is just plain UNFAIR, and angers me very much. I'm currently searching for replacements and so far I have my family, friends, and the people at my work that care about me.
(Please excuse all the bitching...)
Thank you all for your support.
...Live Strong...
Friday, March 21, 2008
1 Month Post Surgery
It's been a while since I posted to my blog - and for good reason: things have been going down hill the past two weeks and only now just beginning to see the light.
It all started two weeks ago on Monday. I suddenly felt extreme shallowness in breathing and experienced a constant pulse rate of 130-140. It happened almost instantaneous and I don't think it was because of anything I did. I thought I was going to faint! We went straight for the emergency room and AMAZINGLY didn't wait one minute before they took me in (my previous experiences with ERs usually take 4-8 hours to be seen). They had me do lots of tests which involved having a CT scan since one of the doctors thought that I could have a clot in my lung. Good thing that was not the case. Then they were beginning to think that it may be too much fluid around my heart which is causing constrictions around my heart muscle making it beat faster. Then the order for EKGs and an echocardiogram. I was admitted to the hospital for a few days then was discharged.
Several days after things did not improve and so I went back to the ER with the same symptoms - high pulse rate and fast, shallow breathing. I was seen right away by the ER team. I didn't get admitted this time, but just had more tests performed at the ER. I also had another echocardiogram - the problem was that it took the guy over 6 hours to come over to do the test. It turned out that he was at home sleeping and not listing to his pager.
Then just yesterdsay - still feeling quite crappy and now with severe coughs because of pneumonia - I went to my cardiologist for my appointment. He right away told me that I had to go to the emergency room and get myself admitted to the hospital. So I got a ride on the medical transport system (my first time being in an ambulance) to the ER. More tests an another echocardiogram. Lots of doctors are now starting to be concerned with the fluid around my heart, but the attending doctor of my case - which happens to be my surgeon, said that it is of no concern right now. Whew! This saves me from another operation to drain that fluid.
So right now I'm in the hospital resting and getting antibiotics for my pneumonia as well as getting my regular tube feedings. I'm also now just starting to eat regular food. Hospital food doesn't taste too bad if you haven't eaten in a while.
I just want to also thank everyone at Tandberg for their emails of support and cards and gifts form my old pals at UCSD! Thanks for the quilt, Trish! It looks beautiful. =)
...and thanks Eric for caring so such.
It all started two weeks ago on Monday. I suddenly felt extreme shallowness in breathing and experienced a constant pulse rate of 130-140. It happened almost instantaneous and I don't think it was because of anything I did. I thought I was going to faint! We went straight for the emergency room and AMAZINGLY didn't wait one minute before they took me in (my previous experiences with ERs usually take 4-8 hours to be seen). They had me do lots of tests which involved having a CT scan since one of the doctors thought that I could have a clot in my lung. Good thing that was not the case. Then they were beginning to think that it may be too much fluid around my heart which is causing constrictions around my heart muscle making it beat faster. Then the order for EKGs and an echocardiogram. I was admitted to the hospital for a few days then was discharged.
Several days after things did not improve and so I went back to the ER with the same symptoms - high pulse rate and fast, shallow breathing. I was seen right away by the ER team. I didn't get admitted this time, but just had more tests performed at the ER. I also had another echocardiogram - the problem was that it took the guy over 6 hours to come over to do the test. It turned out that he was at home sleeping and not listing to his pager.
Then just yesterdsay - still feeling quite crappy and now with severe coughs because of pneumonia - I went to my cardiologist for my appointment. He right away told me that I had to go to the emergency room and get myself admitted to the hospital. So I got a ride on the medical transport system (my first time being in an ambulance) to the ER. More tests an another echocardiogram. Lots of doctors are now starting to be concerned with the fluid around my heart, but the attending doctor of my case - which happens to be my surgeon, said that it is of no concern right now. Whew! This saves me from another operation to drain that fluid.
So right now I'm in the hospital resting and getting antibiotics for my pneumonia as well as getting my regular tube feedings. I'm also now just starting to eat regular food. Hospital food doesn't taste too bad if you haven't eaten in a while.
I just want to also thank everyone at Tandberg for their emails of support and cards and gifts form my old pals at UCSD! Thanks for the quilt, Trish! It looks beautiful. =)
...and thanks Eric for caring so such.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Two Weeks Post Surgery
Things are going “OK” for the most part. I’ve been taking it really easy the last few weeks relaxing on my massage chair most of the day and walking down the hallways of my apartment every now and then. I don’t tend to get as tired and out of breath as before, which is good, but I still find it uncomfortable to walk – I feel ‘tightness’ around my abdomen (because of the incisions) so I tend to walk slow while leaning forward. There are other annoying inconveniences I have to deal with. For one, I’m chained to my feeding machine most of the day – 18 hours out of the day; and it’s so noisy that I have to wear ear plugs when I sleep! The worst part so far is that I’ve partially lost my voice (every time I try talking I feel like coughing). How I managed to phone my insurance, talk with EDD, talk to my doctors, and setup appointments is a near miracle. Pain is the other thing I have to deal with. The first two weeks I had no problem with pain, but just this week I started to feel pain around my abdominal incisions. I’m taking vicodin which helps.
One bit of good news is that I finally got my Jackson-Pratt drain removed from my neck after my surgeon finally cleared me to start a liquid diet by mouth. I can finally start drinking water!! Yay! It feels great to finally get to taste food again, albeit liquid. By Monday I should be able to start soft-solid foods! So far swallowing liquids isn’t any different than before surgery. I’ll let you all know how it goes with solid foods.
I also received final news on the pathology report of my esophagus. The tumor went through all layers of the esophagus but was shrunk to within the walls by chemo-radiation. Preliminary results which I received last week noted no lymph nodes affected, but further tests showed that one lymph node had cancer in it. All margins were clear so they’re pretty confident that they got everything. Now all I need to worry about is a re-occurance.
One bit of good news is that I finally got my Jackson-Pratt drain removed from my neck after my surgeon finally cleared me to start a liquid diet by mouth. I can finally start drinking water!! Yay! It feels great to finally get to taste food again, albeit liquid. By Monday I should be able to start soft-solid foods! So far swallowing liquids isn’t any different than before surgery. I’ll let you all know how it goes with solid foods.
I also received final news on the pathology report of my esophagus. The tumor went through all layers of the esophagus but was shrunk to within the walls by chemo-radiation. Preliminary results which I received last week noted no lymph nodes affected, but further tests showed that one lymph node had cancer in it. All margins were clear so they’re pretty confident that they got everything. Now all I need to worry about is a re-occurance.
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